| welp... |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|12:19 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | holland, 1945 | ] |
looks like cunton g. packman is in a bit of a pickle. |
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| steve zissou |
[Jun. 19th, 2005|02:48 am] |
so on my 18th birthday i decided to become vegan
so six months later i feel like i'm dying
so i decided to make some changes
so i'm going to stop being vegan for exactly one month
so at 2:20 am on the 19th of june, 2005 i made it official and ate a cup of lime shebert
so i can be healthier
so i can be happier |
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| life is beautiful |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|10:55 pm] |
i'm dying and there's a warrant out for my arrest
thanks, dad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|07:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sick and phoneless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ion dissonance | ] |
i'm drowning in my own lungs. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2005|05:09 pm] |
i can't even comprehend what has happened in the past 24 hours.
all i know is that i've never been more happy in my entire life...
it almost seems too good to be true. |
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| R2-D2 |
[May. 22nd, 2005|09:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | iTunes party mix! | ] |
it's funny when random events give you little glimpses of hope
i put my username into a quiz that puts your friend's names into blanks
it had some surprising truths.
it also said that andy was the best cuddler on earth
and that rollie would give me the best sex of my life.
time to go back to work... |
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| whats wrong |
[May. 14th, 2005|02:24 am] |
i do not know what to do with myself.
i have no idea. |
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| khetti satha shemsu |
[May. 9th, 2005|01:00 pm] |
#1 the guy standing in line in front of us had a pentagram craved in his chest, and slayer carved across his tummy. he had a meat cleaver and drank a 6 pack of beer in like ten minuets. He smashed every bottle on the ground except for the one he threw at an suv. oh he popped off the bottle caps with his teeth. he was super happy and friendly. he's possible the most gnarly dude alive (if he's still alive).
#2 a guy that security didnt let in in front of us ran in the street, ripped off his clothing and stopped traffic on sunset.
#3 i was the only person not wearing black.
#4 someone threw a bottle at the black dahlia singer so he jumpped off the stage, over the barrier and crowd surfed to the kid to hit him in the face. after the set the singer told us that when we see nile we're going to becrying alone in the desert.
#5 the house of blues has the most amazing sound ever
#6 it looks like the indiana jones ride at disney land
#7 nile ruined my life, the new drummer sped up old nile songs (if that's even possible) and thier new stuff is insane.
words couldnt begin to desribe it
the most epic night of my life
i'm definately crying alone in the desert right....now.
i'm almost as stoked as this guy
but not quite. |
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| better start living like you're gonna die, because you are. |
[May. 7th, 2005|01:08 am] |
i have been indifferent towards everything lately. i went to two funerals today.
i think i may have said three or four words all day. i have also been thinking alot lately and today did not help. i started reading man's search for meaning to kill time on the drive to san gabriel/montebello. i think ive mentioned it before, but it is worth repeating; dont ever go to montebello or san gabriel. it sucks. to begin the day, i woke to the screaming of my eternally discordant parents. i was hoping i could sleep in since i was missing school, but rather than sleep i corrected my brother's math homework at 7 in the morning. at first i was pissed and had a headache, but math always cheers me up because it makes sense. i hate sleeping once the sun is up because it makes me feel like a bum, so i walked the dog and had breakfast. after showering and getting in my funeral garb my mom, my dad, and i piled in the car for the drive to resurrection catholic cemetery. at first i was slightly excited, i've developed a slight affectation for long drives. i never have time to just listen to music and read. at first i was trying to listen to the beatles, but after about twenty minuets of continous screaming i realized that happy music wasnt going to cut it.(by the way my dad has been employed for about 6 year of my parents 30 year marriage and he's pretty much been an asshole to my mother for that entire time. at times i feel sorry for him, but im getting pretty sick of it. plus, the only reason i care for him is the pure sake that he is my dad-i've realized that he pretty must feel the same way about me because his actions do not reflect those of a man that cares about his family. if you've ever read death of a salesman, my dad pretty much IS will loman, and i feel like and asshole for saying that...but why?). for the remainder of the trip i listened to the rotten sound as looud as i could and read my book to get rid of the knot in my stomach. (the arguing doesnt bother me as much as the ancipation of the arguing leading to a crash - hence the knot). when we got to cemetary number one my mother mentioned that she'd never met the preist before, nor had he my dead aunt. before the service i saw him wearing a members only jacket with a polo shirt. as soon as he saw the three of us - the only atendees of the service - he grabbed a robe out of his trecel, threw it on and grabbed a peice of pvc pipe. this is where i learned my first lesson of the day; the older you get, the less people will feel obligated to show up to your funeral. outliving people isnt all it's cracked up to be, especially when everyone you care about dies before you do... why do people want live to be old-it's like life is a novelty. the preist kissed my mom and said 'thanks for coming out, martha.' she replid by saying 'no, thank you father.' i hate fake people. but suprisingly enough i kind of liked this guy. i leaned over his shoulder during the service to look into his book. it had little blanks with post it notes of my aunts name in them. my mother always says she cant understand how people get through life without god, and you know, i guess she's right. what would the majority of people if life want as simple as filling in the blanks. but where did this book come from? a publisher, not god. i want to know who wrote those fucking sentences, who is he to say that god blessed _______ and _______ will rest eternally? what a dick. but you know what, i'm glad those blanks are there. because it keeps people from wasting their lives reading books and overthinking everything like i tend to do. after this funeral we went to visit my uncle who is now 94. he couldnt attend funeral #1 because he isnt coherent enough to understand that his wife of 70 years is dead. its sad really, he's one of my favorite relatives. but i had an interesting thought while i ws at the rest home. he keeps claiming that he talks to dead relatives (including his wife), and everyone plays along with it to keep him comfotable. everyone thinks he's insane, but i dont think he's as insane as everyone thinks. and i'll tell you why...there was a study where people were attached to monitors to see which areas of the brain is used when we see things. the patients were then asked to close their eyes and imagine what they just saw, and a remarkable thing happened; the same areas of their brain lit up as did when they saw the objects - meaning that what exists in our mind is as 'real' or even more real than what exists. we make our own realities independently. obviosly he isnt all there, but he made me realize the importance of that study. what does it matter what is real and what isnt, his reality makes him happy and really to him his wife has never died. she lives eternally, in him. after that and after more yelling was followed by more driving and we arrived at funeral #2 (which was really a wake). this was much more fake than the previous funeral. where i discovered what frankl refers to as the delusion of reprive. no one thinks they are going to die. which lead me to wonder what how people would live if they didnt think that they'd be saved. it also lead me to think if where this silly delusion originates from, and i think ive found part of or one of the answers: when you die your mind enters a lucid trance (much like a dream) and keeps dreaming for a few minuets after you're dead. and this gives us hope? enough people have cheated death, enough people that firmly belive in after life, have been revived to spread the good word. but really, once again, does this matter. to our minds this is reality...remember the study i mentioned.
but what do we have without such delusions...
"we knew we had nothing to lose except our so ridiculously naked lives"
ive been trying to seek other options, but today i kept coming aacross the same conclusion over and over again, life is pretty meaningless. but i hope theres more to it than that. and i really hope that when it comes down to it it isnt; what a delusion.
life, ugh. |
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| guilty |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|12:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | very happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Yann Tiersen | ] |
tonight i was paid $225 for playing drums in an orchestra.
i enjoyed every second of it. |
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| me and my giant |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|11:50 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | rolling stones | ] |
i must admit that i've already dealt with my fair share of drepression this easter break
and not that i'm over it
or that i'm over anything
or that anything is over
but i'm so happy,
and i'm in such a good mood,
that i thought i'd share it with you.
i love the world
and punk rock
so what. |
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| L'ÊTRE ET LE NÉANT |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|07:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | stumped | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 1979 | ] |
people are fucking sick
a boy was arrested for decapitating his mother in a bath tub. he cut off her hands and threw her body in a ditch. 2 weeks later he was found with her head and hands in a duffell bag.
last week a woman cut a pregneant woman open and removed the fetus from the body. she acted like the bloody fetus was her own child. the child survived. it's mother did not.
today i found a journal who's interests included: anorexia, anorexia nervosa, anorexic, beauty, binge, binge and purge, binge eating, binge eating disorder, binge purge, body image, bones, bulimarexia, bulimia, bulimia nervosa, bulimic, burning calories, calories, cheerleading, clothes, compulsive eating, compulsive overeating, control, counting, diet, dieting, diets, discipline, dying, eating, eating disorder, ed, excercising, excersise, fashion, fasting, fasts, fat, gym, hunger, juice fasts, losing weight, low fat, mia, modelling, models, nervosa, obese, obsession, overeaters, overeating, overweight, perfect, perfection, popular, popularity, power, pretty, pro ana, pro anorexia, pro anorexic, pro bulimia, pro ed, pro mia, pro-ana, pro-anorexia, pro-bulimia, pro-mia, puking, purge, restricting, restriction, self image, self-improvement, skeleton, skinniness, skinny, soy, starving, stomach, strength, supermodels, thin, underweight, vegan, vegetarian, vomiting, waif, water, weight, weight issues, weight loss, winning, working out.
it's one thing to have problems
it's another thing when you broadcast those problems
human beings are fucking disgusting.
but then again, when i look at the internet, tractors, computers, telescopes, music, physics, shoes, tofu, headphones, cds, glass, speakers, electricty, phones, cell phones, cars, bombs, airplanes, trains, paper, medicine, and all of our other inventions, im amazed.
we're a weird bunch. |
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| good news |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|05:34 am] |
i got a 1200.
bad news...
soccer practice in a half hour. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|07:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | azure ray | ] |
i did not like dreamers,
but i had fun watching it.
time to go write a children's book. |
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| writhe in putressence |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|06:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | agoraphobic nosebleed | ] |
so,
i finally got my eyes checked out and the optomitrist said that i'm blind. she said i couldnt even pass the dmv exam. i picked out some pretty tight glasses. they're sweet. they're tight. i get them in 10 days. |
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| snhnieblies |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|12:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | daft punk | ] |
so far arizona has been really fun...
but getting here wasnt all that great. we left really late and there was lots of traffic. to make matters worse, when we were 180 miles from home, and in the middle of the desert, at midnight, at 90 miles an hour, our tire exploded. it was scary but fun. russell and i played lots of pokemon. we had to wait two and a half hours for a tow truck to come, and he drove us the remainding 178 miles. he was very creepy and i was scared. but now im here and im having fun. last night we lit fireworks in the desert, played pool, played with a kitten named lucifer, a deaf dog that knows sign language, and snakes. then went to a movie with my future wife. pictures are soon to come. i miss my friends, but as my cousin says, here in arizona
'we have buttloads of fun' |
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| you'd be alot cuter if i shot you in the face |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|08:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bummed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | meshuggah | ] |
i live in inglewood. hood rats stole the hood orniments off my car and i'm pretty darn sad,
but not too sad because im seeing btbam, fear before, and cattle decapitation in arizona tomarrow night.
i still want to kill the kids that mamed my car,
but it will pass. |
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